


The Unforgiving Minute

by quiet_one



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-07-17
Packaged: 2018-01-26 05:36:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1676639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet_one/pseuds/quiet_one
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war against the Reapers is over. Battered but unbroken, Shepard is making good recovery in hospital. Until she loses one of the things she holds most dear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

In amongst the sea of routine, it was the small things that gave Shepard hope.

On the windowsill her collection of plants came into flower and faded. The colour of her skin eased from mottled red to a raw pink. The array of model ships from Garrus grew from one shelf to five.

Some constants remained. Thane rarely left. Her dosage of painkillers remained the same, even as the doctors assured her that the broken pieces of her body were healing. She wasn’t stupid. She was, however, quietly resigned to the future.

Another morning dawned. Nurses came and went. Thane was visiting Kolyat, and so Shepard had a morning to herself. She allowed the physiotherapist to help her out of bed and park her beside the window.

The desert rolled red and gold beneath the pale turquoise of the alien sky. One day she would like to go out there and touch her hands to the silky sand. For now she was content to look out.

Her omni-tool gave a plaintive beep, and Shepard brought up the display. It had been calibrated just for her. The interface had been increased to make up for her lack of muscle control, and the sensitivity adjusted. All by Garrus of course.

He would be on his way by now.

Shepard checked her messages. The Widow relay had been partially reopened, initial work on rebuilding the Citadel was almost complete, and a site for Reaper disposal had been agreed at last.

The universe was getting along just fine without her.

Shepard shut down her omni tool and turned her attention to the models on her shelf. One was missing.

Damn it. Shepard couldn’t help the grunt of pain as she forced the wheelchair around and propelled herself over to the shelves.

There was a small crunch from beneath her wheels. So that was where the turian cruiser had gone. With a quick, forbidden, flick of her biotics, the shattered fragments of the cruiser swooped into her hands.

It was unfixable. A tremor jerked her hands, scattering the pieces into her lap, and Shepard finally gave in to frustration. She inhaled, curse at the ready, and had her breath stolen by pain.

Apparently her ribs weren’t as healed as she thought.

The door opened behind her. “Siha?”

“It’s nothing,” Shepard gasped. She reached up to rub her sternum and caught sight of the blue flecks on her hands. Paint from the cruiser.

Thane crouched in front of her. He took her hands in his and held them tightly. “Would you like me to fetch a doctor?”

“No.” Shepard fixed her gaze on him, and her thoughts on the scales against her scarred palms. “I thought you were visiting Kolyat.”

His gaze flicked from hers. The door opened and a nurse edged in. Thane nodded once, and Shepard turned only for the nurse to flee.

“What?” she asked. Her head was beginning to buzz. It was two hours since her last dose of painkillers.

Thane kept his grip on her. “I received a message from Liara. She asked me to return.”

“Why?”

“There has been an accident. According to Liara’s sources, the cruiser _Milvium_ has been lost. There are no survivors.”

Shepard nodded. She remembered alarms and red corridors, and felt a slow rush of sympathy for the crew. The _Milvium_.

“The…” Her mouth couldn’t form the name.

_He would be on his way by now._

The smell of burning rose from her throat. Flames licked under her skin, panicked screams filling the air, and Shepard watched as her hands leapt up to fend off the inescapable. She was shaking. Not this again.

Nurses rushed in. The doctor was holding a syringe.

“Siha…”

Thane was almost inaudible over the screaming of a ship breaking around her, around _him_.

There were no survivors. Her throat burned as she screamed. The stars blinked bright behind her eyelids.

 

* * *

 

They all thought she was asleep. Training kept her still.

Words spilt unguarded from those around her. Vakarian had been onboard the _Milvium_. An entire turian regiment had been lost at a time when the Hierarchy could least afford it. The War had scraped them all down to the bone.

Shepard let them talk over her. She felt the raging pain of her damaged body dampen down into splinters with every new needle.

She didn’t open her eyes until silence had come back to her like an old friend. “Thane?”

“You’re awake.” He was beside her in two steps and brushing the wisps of hair back from her hot forehead.

“Tell me everything,” Shepard said. “I won’t break again, I promise.”

Thane pulled a chair close to the bed. He leaned close, but did not touch her. “For reasons unknown, the _Milvium_ deviated from its course approximately thirteen hours ago. There was no distress call. The rescue beacon began transmitting around twelve hours ago. Rescue ships found no survivors.”

“What about bodies?”

“I do not know.”

Shepard looked past him at the shelf. The gap remained. “Where’s the cruiser?” she asked, attempting to push herself upright.

“I saved it for you,” Thane said, getting to his feet. He brought it over from the side of the room and set it on her chest. He’d already attempted to fix it back together.

Shepard blinked away tears. “Help me sit up.”

He did so, plumping pillows at her back, and adjusting the position of the bed to accommodate her uncooperative legs.

Only then did she look down at the broken pieces in her lap. She turned them over with trembling hands.

“There’s no Shepard without Vakarian,” she mumbled.

If anyone could understand, it was Thane, and the ghost of his golden eyed wife.

“I need to know,” Shepard whispered. She held out her hands to Thane, and he took them without hesitation. “Will you help me do this?”

“You know that I will. What would you have me do?”

“Find out what I need to do to get out of here. I’ll do the rest.”

Thane disentangled himself from her, pressed a kiss to her forehead, and left.

It was the hardest message she’d ever had to send. Liara had recovered her. Now she needed that expertise.

There was no doubt in her mind, though something deep down told her it was denial. Something of Garrus must remain. Her heart was still beating.


	2. Chapter 2

The door startled Shepard from welcome oblivion. Regret swept through her, closely followed by the constant pain.

Thane’s expression told her everything.

Shepard had expected as much from her doctors. She was broken, and they had been charged with fixing her. She wheeled herself back over to the bed and fumbled with her freshly packed bag.

“I hope you are ready for this, siha,” Thane said.

She hoped so too. There was a long way to go.

“I’m ready to leave. As for the rest, I guess we’ll find out.”

The door opened again. This time it was to admit Doctor Adams. He noted the bag with a shake of his head, and his look of shock told Shepard he was used to being obeyed. Good.

“Commander Shepard, I’m afraid leaving is quite out of the question,” Doctor Adams said. He patted her bag. “This will have to—“

Thane came to stand behind her. He tucked his hands neatly behind his back and rocked on his heels as though ready to spring.

Shepard put a smile on her face. “You were saying?”

“It wouldn’t be safe for you to leave. Your medication needs monitoring, and without physio your condition will almost certainly deteriorate,” the doctor continued, gaze fixed firmly on the data pad clutched in his hands.

“So you’re saying Doctor T’Soni will be unable to handle my care during the short time I’m away?”

Doctor Adams jerked his head up. “Yes. No. Doctor T’Soni is hardly—“

“Hardly what?” Liara walked in, Kaidan at her side. “I presume you’re familiar with Spectre Alenko?”

Any other time Shepard would have laughed.

“You’re agitating the patient, she needs rest,” Doctor Adams said. He twitched back as Kaidan moved past him to pick up the bag.

“Good to see you up and about,” Kaidan said. “I thought you might need a ride.”

Relief twisted in her gut. If Kaidan was there, the  _Normandy_ was too. Shepard hadn’t seen her ship since London.  Not that it was hers anymore.

Tears sprang to her eyes. She wanted to say something, to wipe away the look on everyone’s faces, but grief had stolen something from her.

Garrus would have known what to say. He’d have threatened the doctor, stylishly of course, and got her out of there by now.

“Thank you.” She sank in her chair, and allowed the team to close ranks around her.

Within minutes they were wheeling her down the corridor. Shepard stared straight ahead, hands clutching the fragments of the cruiser she’d tucked in her pocket, and took a deep breath.

This moment had always held a thrill of excitement. Long hours of physio had been made bearable with the simple notion of walking out the doors. Now that thrill had palled.

Shepard was wheeled out onto the landing pad and into the searing heat of the desert where the shuttle waited.

There was a ramp leading up to the shuttle doors. One of the seats had been stripped out and a wheelchair fixing point fitted.

She helped Thane strap her in before meeting Liara’s enquiring gaze.

“Tell me everything,” Shepard said.

Liara tapped her omni-tool. Shepard’s lit up in response.

“You already know the official story. The  _Milvium_  deviated from her planned course. An hour later she was destroyed.” Liara conjured a map in the air between them. It shimmered, the insubstantial dot of the  _Milvium_  pulsing faintly. “According to the Hierarchy there was no distress call. One of my agents has informed me that the  _Milvium_  did in fact make a transmission seven minutes before her rescue beacon became active.”

“What kind of transmission? A distress call?” Shepard tightened her grip on the brittle pieces in her pocket.

“I’m afraid I don’t know yet. The Hierarchy are making things… difficult. My network isn’t what it once was.”

“Something about this doesn’t sit right,” Kaidan said. He zoomed in on the map to show Dolos. “Lying about this makes no sense, unless there’s something going on they don’t want us to know about.”

“Garrus didn’t mention…” The shuttle rolled, and Shepard swallowed back her nausea. She’d been planetside too long.

“You okay?” Kaidan asked.

Liara started to open up one of the bags she’d brought from the hospital.

“I’ll be fine,” Shepard said. She waited until Liara put the bag down before continuing. “Garrus didn’t mention anything out of the ordinary.”

Beside her, Thane shifted. He angled himself away from Shepard just a fraction. “There are a number of things that the Hierarchy has been keeping from what’s left of the Council. Their supply line has been badly disrupted, and their military depleted. Those left have been working on restoring essential resources, but it has been a difficult process. Thousands have perished from hunger and ill health. They can ill afford the loss of another cruiser.”

The quiet hum of the engines filled the silence that sprang up between them. It had never occurred to Shepard that Garrus would keep things from her. She’d seen only what the official channels had wanted her to see—a galaxy picking itself up from the ashes.  

“Liara, can your agent get us a copy of this transmission?” Shepard said. She sat as straight as her chair would allow.

“I’ll do my best.” Liara leaned back, and the map blinked out of existence.

“We’ll head for Dolos, see what we can find,” Kaidan said.

The after image of the  _Milvium_  burned across Shepard’s vision. “I’ve still got contacts in the Hierarchy. I could ask them.”

She felt the floor shudder beneath her feet, and knew at once that the _Normandy_ had them safe. It had been a long time since she’d seen her. Despite everything, Shepard felt a dull edge of excitement at being back.

Kaidan got to his feet as the door opened and light splashed in. “Welcome home, Commander.”

There had been no home until the Normandy. Shepard allowed Thane to release her chair, and set off towards the exit at her own pace.

The looks she received from the waiting crew were unsurprising. Everyone had their own image of Commander Shepard, and it was not this. She rolled down yet another ramp and came to a gentle halt in front of Traynor.

“Sam,” Shepard smiled. She felt an unexpected burst of emotion as Traynor stooped to hug her.

“I’m so sorry,” Traynor murmured. She stood back and saluted. “Please consider the _Normandy_ at your full disposal. If there’s anything we can—Oh, Commander Alenko.” She stood taller. “I was—“

“At ease, Lieutenant,” Kaidan said. “This was Shepard’s ship long before it was mine.”

Shepard looked at Kaidan. Older, a little more grey, but wearing his authority lightly. This was exactly the kind of Commander she’d hoped he’d become.

“She’s all yours now, Commander Alenko. I just need to borrow her for a while.” Shepard scanned the crew members faces and decided it was time to make her exit. She inhaled loudly, cupped a hand to her side, and watched them spring into action.

They had her in the elevator within a minute.

Liara was fumbling in that damn bag the instant the doors closed.

“I’m impressed,” Shepard said. “And Liara, put that down. I’m not dying.”

There was something about the quality of silence that told her looks were being exchanged over her head.

Thane rested his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “An impressive performance, Shepard.”

Kaidan laughed, relief running through it. “Alright, we’ll stop fussing. You get settled, and I’ll come by later. There’s a couple of things I want to show you.”

He left for the CIC. Liara remained, clutching her bag.

“We can manage,” Shepard said as the doors finally opened to the Captain’s Cabin.

“I know.” Liara didn’t meet her gaze. “But there’s someone I need to give this too.”

She darted out of the elevator, and Shepard followed.

The cabin had been altered almost beyond recognition. Her fish had gone, and in their place was a sleek new weapons rack. Another ramp had been fitted over the stairs, allowing her easy access to the bed and to the walking rails beside it. Someone was leaning on them.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” Chakwas said. She took the bag from Liara and threw it on the sofa. “You know, life had been getting rather boring without you around. Not like the old days.”

“Happy to help,” Shepard said. She drooped forwards, letting her hands fall into her lap. “Maybe we could do this later.”

The smile vanished from Chakwas’ face. “One check-up and I’ll be out of your hair. Sere Krios has promised to oversee your medication, so I shouldn’t need to see you unless you have any cause for concern.”

One more check-up, Shepard thought. Chance would be a fine thing. Just like old times, she told herself, remembering the weight of Garrus in her arms and the halo of blue blood that had surrounded him back on Omega. His hand had reached for hers back on the Collector Base.

In her dreams she watched him fall.

“All done,” Chakwas announced. She shared a few hushed words with Thane at the door but Shepard no longer cared. She waited patiently. There was no rushing this. A part of her wanted to keep Chakwas longer and delay the call. How easy it would be.

With the closing of the doors Shepard gained her courage. She met Thane’s enquiring look with a sigh. “Could you leave me alone for a little while?”

“If you’re sure.” He dipped his head, something vanishing in the darkness of his eyes, and left her.

Shepard wheeled herself to the terminal and punched in the code with trembling fingers.

The alliance logo filled the screen. Somewhere out in space new buoys pinged into life, bouncing her signal across the stars.

_Don’t answer._

It was the voice that floored her. Older, thinner than Garrus’, but almost identical in inflection as those few words hit her.

“Commander Shepard.”

“Officer Vakarian. Thank you for taking my call.”

Garrus’ father nodded, mandibles tucked tight against his face. “I wondered when you’d be in touch. Garrus…”

His voice stuck on the name like a burr.

“I’ve had nothing but condolences, people pretending they knew my son. You served with him. You won the war with him.” He looked at her, his keen blue gaze piercing.

“I couldn’t have done it without him, sir,” Shepard said. She wondered if that had been the right answer.

“I think we’re a little past that, Shepard. Now, tell me why you’re really calling.”

The sensation of falling made Shepard tighten her grip on the chair. She forced every last aching muscle to pull her upright. “I’m onboard the _Normandy_. We’re heading for Dolos, and I wondered if you could help me.”

“Go ahead.”

“The  _Milvium_  made a transmission seven minutes before it was lost. I want to know what it was.” Shepard knew Garrus well enough to see the familiar gesture of surprise on his father’s face. He hid it only a fraction too late.

“I’m afraid I don’t know anything about a transmission.”

There, in the ghost of his son, Shepard saw the lie. She nodded slowly. “I understand. I’m sorry for asking. If there’s anything I can do—“

“There is one thing.” Vakarian shifted, glancing back over his shoulder at something off screen. “The Hierarchy is organising a memorial service. I’d be honoured if you could attend. You were his commanding officer, and his friend.”

 _Were._ Shepard let the word float by amidst the tenuous realisation that something was off. “Officer—“

“Call me Tectus, please. The turians owe you a great debt, Commander Shepard. I’d like to thank you, in person, for everything you did.”

Shepard decided to play along.

“I’ll be there. Thank you, Tectus.”

Tectus smiled faintly. “I’ll be in touch. Be careful out there.”

Then he was gone, and Shepard was staring at a blank screen.

He had lied to her. He had told her to be careful.

“Just like old times,” Shepard announced to the empty room. She’d find out what happened to Garrus, and when she was done there would be no more dozing in bed. The galaxy still needed her.

There was one other thing she needed first.

Shepard sped down to the sofa, pulled open the bag and scattered its contents into her lap. The good stuff was hidden at the bottom. She popped two pills out of the packet and gulped them down without water.

The ensuing rush wrapped her in its arms and took the pain from her. It was borrowed time, and Shepard intended to use it wisely. She couldn’t walk this path alone.

Her hands took her where her feet couldn’t, down in the elevator once again, and along corridors she’d paced a thousand times on her way to Life Support.

There was no doubt in her mind as she entered. Her faith was rewarded.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a side project (but rapidly becoming an obsession) so it might stop and start whilst I get other things done.


End file.
